I am walking in a bog and can’t see my way to the other side. That’s how life can feel when you discover you are embarking into the current sandwich generation.
I have always hated that term. Who wants to be thought of as the meat packed down between one slice of bread, your kids, and the other slice of bread, your parents? But, the description does fit the situation well.
My sons are both teenagers, now, and feel the need for more freedom. My parents and my husband’s parents (approaching their 80’s and 90’s) are showing signs (forgetfulness, shakiness, etc…) that they may need their freedom curtailed a bit for their own safety.
I had no real sympathy for my mother when she was deep in the sandwich generation stage of her life (I’m not to that level yet). My grandmother lived with us for several months before she went to a nursing home. My mother was also dealing with me, a teen who had many mood swings, and her own issues of aging in a youth based culture. Millions of people have survived this phenomenon over the centuries (before it was coined the sandwich generation). I will too. After all, I made it through difficult stages in my life like junior high, major surgery and childbirth. The hard part is to keep my sense of humor and perspective.
Some days are easier than others. It can take a thick skin, to deal with teenagers on their abrasive days and the comments of parents and in-laws (becoming more and more childlike) blurting out whatever comes to their mind. The hardest part of this period of life seems to be the sense of losing control. You are forced to admit you really don’t have control over so much in life and you either learn to be okay with it or risk becoming neurotic. You know you will eventually lose your parents. But, you have no control over how or when. You know you have to hand over the reins of control to your kids eventually to live their own lives. It is scary, especially when you spent the first part of their lives protecting your children from every danger out there. I will someday get to the other side of this bog, though the terrain will get more tricky as things progress.
Life has a way of forcing you forward. It always does.
– Natasha Spence
