God Help the Girl – A Plotless and Totally Annoying Movie, by Holly Homan

God Help the Girl would be more aptly called God Help This Movie. This film begins with a young girl walking through Edinburgh sinnging, but I had no idea why. Then she’s in some sort of mental hospital for what appears to be an eating disorder. But again, we don’t know why. Half an hour into the film I still didn’t know this character. I didn’t know who she was or what made her tick.

She escapes from the hospital and ends up at a club where she hooks up with a guitar player who gets in a punch out with his drummer. Again, we don’t know why. He takes her home, but she goes back to the hospital the next morning. She escapes from the hospital again and moves in with the guitarist, but is seeing the lead singer from another band on the sly.

She and guitarist hook up with another girl whom they were tutoring in music, but the next day they’re best friends going on a canoe trip together. Along the way they buy fish and chips. No mention here of an eating disorder.

The movie wasn’t even consistent about the time in which it was supposed to take place. Pearl Jam is mentioned so it seems contemporary, but then there’s a scene where they happen upon some ballroom dancing and everyone’s dressed in 50s clothing. Our main character is trying to get her songs played on the radio and for some reason gives the tape to the singer she eventually has an affair with. Then after jumping into bed with him, finds out he never delivered the tape, but instead listened to it and criticized it. Again, why?

Absolutely nothing in this movie made sense. The characters would break into song, but there was no segue between dialog (which also made no sense) and the singing and dancing. The songs were forgettable and annoying. The characters were annoying and the plot was non existent. If I hadn’t been sandwiched in the middle of a row I would have left before the first hour was up. As it is, I wish I could have the two hours of my life back. This movie was a complete and utter waste of my time.

Holly Homan